Where to begin...
All my life I've had an affinity for the paranormal. As a child I would read anything factional to fictional, I could get my hands on. I felt I knew quite a bit for someone who had never actually been on a ghost hunt.
2011, I had this crazy thought to create a paranormal team. I had already been investigating with a local team for fun, I thought that I might like to give it a go for myself. Sometime throughout that year I began building Angels of Light Paranormal Society.
At that time, I had absolutely no clue where this would take me, if anywhere at all. Everything was so incredibly unofficial and exciting, I find myself having a hard time remember exactly how it all fell together. (My timeline for the creation of ALPS is still a mystery to me)
Regardless of how different my views are now, I smile at the fact that I was having fun and taking true enjoyment in doing paranormal investigations. I still had a sense of wonder. I was curious and fascinated and absolutely eager to learn everything I could about paranormal phenomena.
But something changed. Somewhere along the way I've lost that.
This past year has been a crazy time for our team, with lots of changes. People have come and gone over the years. Last year our co-lead Scott Wolf left, which was the hardest of those changes. I personally took a break over the the holiday season from the team to re-evaluate my place as the sole leader of ALPS, and to think about how to adjust to these changes.
Leading a team is a lot of work, and can quickly take a toll on someone. I began to not enjoy doing this as much as I used to.
Over the last year I recognized I began to feel exhausted and was in pain more than anyone should. This last year has been a year of ups and downs, but it wasn't until December that I realized I would need a surgery to help correct an underlying issue I didn't know I had. I'm still waiting to have that procedure done.
Along with physical issues, other things have happened to me over the last couple of years. I began to realize some things:
1. To be a successful team built on integrity, you had to work hard.
2. Most things deserved a rational explanation.
3. There are a lot of dishonest people out there.
Despite my changing views, one thing that's never waivered is my goal to find out the TRUTH. This would seem to be a healthy thing, but the problem was, I was quickly going from simply skeptic, to cynical. This was not a good place.
I returned from my break with the team I spoke about earlier in this little entry. My break had not changed anything.
When I returned my frustrations were waiting for me. I became so consumed with the responsibility of managing my team, that I had lost the passion that ignited my fascination to start this team in the first place. I realized that my feelings not only effected myself, but my team members as well.
After a lot soul searching and thinking, I've decided it's time to completely step back from my position with ALPS. I've realized that it's not just my responsibilities of being a team leader that were weighing me down, but that I had stopped growing as an individual within the confines of a team.
Even though I know my skepticism is useful for my team, I feel I've outgrown the "black t-shirt style" of investigating. I crave more. I desire to expand my horizons and work more people, engage in experiments and delve deeper into research studies that test the theories I've read about nearly all my life.
Even though at times I wanted to pull my hair out trying to keep my ever changing team afloat, I am SO grateful for the experience. I've met so many wonderful people, and visited so many miraculous places I really don't think I would have ever seen without being part of a team like I have.
The amount of people have been able to help is priceless. I've never ceased to be humbled by those that were genuine, to have them trust me enough to share their stories with me. Seeing a client relieved after we are done was worth its weight in gold. That alone made any struggle worth it in the end.
Scott, Faye, Jim (and Shannon), Cal, and Jennifer: I'm grateful to have had you all with me on this journey. You all have not only been my teammates, but my friends and extended family as well. I love every single one of you. I have absolutely no doubt I am leaving the ALPS legacy in good hands. While my journey maybe straying from the pack, I know you all are on your correct path to finding your truth.
Also I'm extremely grateful for the people who've followed ALPS all these years keeping up with our adventures and the continued love and support you've all shown. I hope you continue to support the current ALPS as it is.
So, while this maybe goodbye for this chapter of my quest in truth, it's the beginning of another, where ever it takes me.
Lots of love,